- You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the office. If I was in, chances are you wouldn't have received anything at all.
- Please reply to this e-mail so I will know that you got this message.
- I am on holiday. Your e-mail has been deleted.
- I am currently out at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position. Be prepared for my mood.
- Sorry to have missed you but I am in hospital having a frontal lobotomy so that I may be promoted to management
- I will be unable to delete all the unread, worthless emails you send me until I return from vacation on dd/mm. Please be patient and your mail will be deleted in the order it was received.
- 'The e-mail server is unable to verify your server connection and is unable to deliver this message. Please restart your computer and try sending again.'
(The beauty of it is that when I return, I can see how many in-duh-viduals did this over and over.)
- Thank you for your message, which has been added to a queuing system.
You are currently in 352nd place, and can expect to receive a reply in approximately 19 weeks.
- Hi! I'm thinking about what you've just sent me. Please wait by your PC for my response.
- Hi! I'm busy negotiating the salary for my new job. Don't bother to leave me any messages.
- I will be out of the office for the next 2 weeks for medical reasons. When I return, please refer to me as 'Kylie' instead of 'Steve'.