Fridays Joke: Statues and bad days

Another Friday and two jokes this weeks due to a couple of things making me laugh. Also I don't know if there is gonna be a Friday joke next week as its my Birthday the Tuesday after and i'm having a 5 day weekend to celebrate being a year from 30. Enjoy!A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening the front door. "Hurry!" she said, "stand in the corner." She quickly rubbed baby oil all over him and dusted him with talcum powder. "Don't move until I tell you to," she whispered. "Just pretend you're a statue."
"What's this, honey?" the husband inquired as he entered the room.
"Oh, it's just a statue," she replied nonchalantly. "The Smiths bought one for their bedroom. I liked it so much, I got one for us too." No more was said about the statue, not even later that night when they went to sleep.
Around two in the morning the husband got out of bed, went to the kitchen and returned a while later with a sandwich and a glass of milk. "Here," he said to the statue. "Eat something. I stood like an idiot at the Smiths' for three days and nobody offered me as much as a glass of water."Also: YOU KNOW IT'S GOING TO BE A BAD DAY WHEN...
  • You call suicide prevention and they put you on hold. YOU KNOW IT'S GOING TO BE A REALLY BAD DAY WHEN... The hold music is Van Halen's "Jump."
  • You wake up from a hard nights drinking to discover that your waterbed broke...then realize you don't have a waterbed
  • On a seaside stroll you notice the sign reading "QUICKSAND" is getting taller
Add your own bad days to the comments
comments powered by Disqus